I don't know how to act around Jane normally
by Ilse17
Summary: Grace muses about her relationships with Jane and her feelings toward him. Set during 4 x 10.


**I don't know how to act around Jane normally.**

_When I saw episode 4 x 10, I pondered over that sentence from Grace. I wondered why she would say that, whereas she obviously cares for Jane, and seems to have sometimes pleasant and carefree moments with him. __I eventually found quite a lot of reasons why she would say that nonetheless. And as it seems that Kim has replaced Grace as the second woman around Jane (a pity in my opinion), I decided to write this, for it's not sure that she will remain in the background (though the last episode gave some hope)._

_Some reviews would be nice. Sorry for the errors. I can't imagine not writing in english about the Mentalist, but it's not my mother tongue._

At first, she had not been at ease with him mostly because of his scary ability to read her mind -or anyone's for that matter- and the blunt way he often revealed what he had guessed. But then, she had become used to it, and tougher as well, able to find sometimes a sharp, humorous reply that would make him smile and stop his teasing.

The awkward feelings caused by his charm had been longer to disappear. She had always been attracted by tall, muscular, dark-haired men, with honest eyes and a sentimental, uncomplicated nature – such as Rigsby, such as Craig, or so she had wanted to believe-. Yet she had found herself captivated by that average height, rather slightly built blonde man, with his cynical sense of humour, his devious ways and mischievous smile. However handsome he was, that attraction was somehow unexplainable to her. And definitively unwanted, as it made her feel insecure.

She could never know, when she was with him, if he was not going to embarrass her in a way or another, and she hated that. And yet, he could draw her to him with just a smile. But very soon, Rigsby's interest in her had led her to reciprocate his feelings. And as Jane had always treated her like a younger sister –when he was not shutting all the team out- she had got used to his looks, and to the warm feelings he could elicit from her, even if he had just infuriated her a moment before. Besides, if she was still not immune to his charm, she was far from being the only one in that case, and the most deeply affected… She sometimes almost pitied her boss, who had not the safe anchor of some strong feelings, however unfulfilled, for another man, such as hers for Rigsby. As much as Grace had come to really care for Jane, falling in love with him seemed to her tantamount to walking blindfolded on a tightrope.

But if she had mercifully avoided to fall in love with him, she deeply loved him as a friend. She thought she had come to know him quite well. She knew he was a good man, compassionate with the victims, able to use his perceptiveness to help his friends, and always there when someone in the team was really in trouble. She had not forgotten how he had comforted her after Craigh's betrayal, how he had managed to make Bertram agree to send her in LA for her computer course. He had also helped Cho to solve his guilt issues about his friends's death, and Rigsby to have his revenge over his father's murderer.

So why was it true that she was still unable to act completely normally around Jane ? That is, to have a completely unstudied and carefree behaviour ?

It was probably because what was the most unsettling for her in him was the fragile balance, the raw vulnerability she percieved behind the playfulness, the cheerful facade, the self-assured or even arrogant behaviour. Something that Rigsby was completely unaware of, with led him sometimes to be completely dazzled by Jane's abilities, and sometimes to make rather harsh judgements on their unpredictible collegue. Something that Cho, maybe, had figured out- who could know what Cho really thought ?- Something that Lisbon, of course, had been well aware of from the very beginning. But Lisbon knew almost perfectly, or so it seemed, how to deal with Jane's issues, mostly by pretending to ignore them. She could tease him, banter with him, admonish him when he needed it.

Whereas she, Grace, didn't know how to tiptoe around the sensitive subjects. She hadn't forgotten the time when, in the heath of the discussion, she had asked him if he had ever thought that maybe his wife and daughter would want to communicate with him, but couldn't do it, as he wouldn't believe that it was possible. His face had become completely blank while he answered her calmly, but his teasing smile was gone, and she thought she had seen a flash of pain in his eyes. She had apologized and ran away in shame. She could not forget either that soon after that she had found him crying alone in the dark office that Kristina Frye had just left. As much as she had felt the urge to come in and try to comfort him, all she's been able to do had been to close the door, to give him more privacy. Any time she truly thought of what had happened to him, pity overwhelmed her, but she knew better than to show it.

There was also his lack of concern for his own safety, bordering self-destruction. It shocked her, and scared her all the most as she felt completely powerless in front of it. That made her often unsure about what to say to him or not, even when his behaviour had infuriated or disappointed her.

Yes, these were all the reasons why, in spite of all the good moments when he would make her laugh, when they would make a bet or joke together, she still didn't know how to behave completely normally around him.

And yet, she knew that any time he would need her, she would be there. That she would always have his back, whoever the enemy to fight would be. Because she had seen through the act, because he had earned her friendship. She would not give up on him, no more than the other members of the team.


End file.
